Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize