i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
