We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
