Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
