You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
