Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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