I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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