yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
