just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize