i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
