1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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