I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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