just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Still dying that you shit outside
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
