Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
