even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
