i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
