I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
