Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
