God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
