You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
