Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
