I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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