I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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