If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Small penises have feelings too.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
