I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
