O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize