This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
