So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize