we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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