she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
