It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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