That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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