I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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