If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
