ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
