I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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