1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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