I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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