One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
