i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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