I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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