yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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