I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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