You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
