why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
