I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What a dumb baby whore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
