How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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