Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
