just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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