i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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