WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
