I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
