so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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