So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
