i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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