I puked a lego.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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