After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
