The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
