well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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