Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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