Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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