Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
