I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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