Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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