I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize